seeing things clearly?

Some good weather is here again but things are not really right for me to go climbing for various reasons. I am constantly in conflict with myself about when to climb and when not to. I don't feel like I climb very much at all, even though people I meet see me as climbing a lot. I also see myself as pretty lazy a lot of the time, although even I would admit that isn't really true. I only worry to myself that I'm lazy when I decide it's not the right time to climb. I'm more aware than ever that my motivation has to feel right to climb. Sometimes (like now!) I feel so motivated to climb I feel like I could rip holds off my projects. I mean, I feel it pretty damn strongly! But at the same time I feel it's not the right time to go back to Ben Nevis yet. There are other things on my mind.

Sometimes I feel my climbing motivation is like a resevoir. I can store up huge amounts of motivation until the time is right to release it. Maybe I'll release it training every day, maybe I'll release it all in one go like on the crux of Rhapsody - 2 years of savings in a few seconds or effort. Its a good feeling. Right now, if I could write my climbing motivation like a bank balance, the number of zeros would require additional pages. But I don't need to go climbing right now. I'll make a withdrawal when it's time.